Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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