i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
