I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
