I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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