I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
