just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
