We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
