My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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