Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
