You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize