You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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