I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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