Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
