you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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