I am puke
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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