i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
