Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
