Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
