the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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