I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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