how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
