She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
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Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
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You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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