If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
