cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
