I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
