I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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