so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
