He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize