I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
