This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
