You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
