He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
