I hate your face
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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