It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
