Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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