What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
