Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
