I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
