I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
