alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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