Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize