Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
