Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
