just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My penis needs a shock collar
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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