my mouth tastes like poor choices
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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