I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
