i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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