So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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