...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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