i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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