So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
