I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize