hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
