people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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