Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize