Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
