I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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