new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
