The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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