There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
